But why does my ED keep telling me to stay a size 0 and stay like a walking hanger? I want my jeans to fit me, and have a bum to fill them, but ED wants them to be baggy and sag in my bum. Do you think guys like that? I don't think so! I want to fill my bras and maybe bare a little cleavage...but why does ED want me to fit the smallest size bra that you can't find anywhere except for specialty bra shops? Why does ED want me to be able to wear shirts that don't show off anything 'womanly'?
I know what I want, and I'm starting to realize that being skinny isn't pretty. I'm starting to see woman on TV and in magazine ads with healthy bodies who glow, and who are pretty because they are a healthy weight. They have curves with healthy flowing hair, and glowing skin with a sparkle in their eyes. I no longer think that skinny pale models with dull hair and bones sticking out is pretty. ED is crazy for thinking stick thin is pretty...if ED wants a hanger, then he is in the wrong place...because I am not going to live in a body of a young teenager when I'm clearly past that time in my life.
I wish ED would go away. He puts stupid thoughts in my head every second. He tells me to count, to measure, to not eat so much, to compare myself with other girls, to work off calories, to get mad if my pants aren't baggy, to look at myself in the mirror and believe "this is to big" or "that doesn't look good". It is so frustrating! As frustrating as it is, I think I'm giving him a good challenge everyday, trying to prove him wrong and overpowering what he says.
My question for you is: Do you compare yourself to other girls? Do you get upset when someone is skinnier than you?
So glad that you're realizing that stick thin isn't at all attractive, hun. Women aren't meant to have the bodies of teenage boys... teenage boys are meant to have the bodies of teenage boys. We, on the other hand, need our beautiful curves.
ReplyDeleteHealth is beautiful. Curves are beautiful. Glowing hair and skin is beautiful. Walking around like a zombie is definitely not, so keep challenging your ED every day and you'll get to that place of beauty :)
I used to compare myself to other girls and start to feel bad about myself if I came across someone skinnier than me, but after being skeletally thin for so long, I came to realize that being thin isn't all it's cracked up to be. In fact, it made me miserable. There's so much more happiness to be found in life when your attention isn't fixated on trying to balance being as small as possible with actually being able to live a life.